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March 18th, 2004

01:04 pm - Hey, kid, get off my lawn!
Looks like a new kid on the block is lookin' to horn in on my action.

There's only one red planet, and that's me. I don't care if you change the title slightly to "planetoid," that's still copyright infringement.

And it looks like you humans have finally found my hematite. Congrats. Can I get a break from that RAT thing poking me now?

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March 15th, 2004

03:24 pm - Finally
Someone from the scientific community has stepped forward and debunked all the hogwash about Martians and the face on my behind.

I understand that people want to believe in a magical universe, but I think the realities of my mysteries should be compelling enough without needing to make up fairy tales. It's almost insulting that I need to have little green men cavorting about in order to make me more interesting.

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March 13th, 2004

04:16 pm - Ah crap
Let me get this straight. You freaks are sending people here? Am I ever gonna get any peace from you monkeys?

I don't recommend it. My surface isn't exactly cozy for humans. Lack of atmosphere means the radiation from the sun is a killer - you guys will get hit with more radiation than what NASA thinks you should get in an entire year. Plus, the natural resources here aren't exactly what I'd call plentiful. No food, really. Heck, you guys aren't even sure if I have any water anywhere. So really, how are you going to eat, and how are you going to get fuel? It's not like I've got any Quickie Marts here.

I've also heard rumors that if you do send someone here, they'll be in for the long haul - the rest of their lives. Oh no you din't! I don't think so. Permanently having bits of alien metal on me is one thing. Organic matter is another.

Plus what if these twerps are gassy or something? It's not like you can open a window.

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10:19 am - Probe this!
My friend, Saturn, keeps urging me to start a journal. He keeps complaining that we never talk anymore, but he still wants to know what's going on with me. He also keeps banging on that perhaps Earth dwellers might be interested in my everday life.

Sod that. They have two stupid hunks of junk roaming around on me, you'd think that was enough. But noooo. I also have two cameras with sensors up the wazoo aimed at my sorry ass. Plus, I've had a couple of other visitors as well.

It was bad enough when I just had a few curious neighbors pointing their low-end telescopes at me. Shit, can't a guy go about his business in peace? Talk about big brother - two satellites and two robots.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

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